Most of us, at some point, have or will have suffered a loss. Whether it is the result of death, the end of a relationship, divorce, theft, job termination, or some form of catastrophic destruction, it ultimately involves processing that loss in some manner. My purpose for this blog is to ask you to share the transitional moment(s) – what brought you to a place of peace, understanding, or healing. It is my hope that someone will be helped by reading your posts. Proverbs 25:11 says, “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word timely spoken in right circumstances.” If you could share that one special thing with someone, what would it be?
I’ve experienced several major losses in my life; however, there is one in particular in which an individual shared something with me that helped me through it enormously. It may not be true for everyone, just as some of the responses in this blog may not ring true with you at the moment, but it was my golden apple at that time.
Although we had been divorced for years, my first husband and I remained close friends until the day he died. The loss of him in my life was gut-wrenching. I found myself dwelling on certain things for hours, or days. I cried often for weeks, and there seemed to be no end to the grief. I tried, unsuccessfully, to push the thoughts out of my head and just get on with it. I heard that grieving was a process and I kept feeling like I had gotten stuck, somehow, in that process. I felt I needed help, so I called my pastor who also had his Ph.D. in psychology, and shared my concerns in that emotional storm.
He told me I would not have to worry about getting stuck if I allowed myself to think all of those thoughts and feel all the feelings associated with them. The worst thing I could do, according to him, was to not allow myself to do so. He said that “the heart knows where it needs to go to heal,” and I needed to allow it to take me on that journey of memories, thoughts, and emotions. I left my counseling session with him and began doing just that. I will never forget his advice. It was a long journey of the heart, but a very healing one. Soon, regrets were replaced more frequently with thankfulness. Anger was replaced with forgiveness for me and him. Sadness and crying were replaced with joy and laughter. Peace began to rule in my heart again.
It was most definitely one of the, if not the, saddest times of my life. Of course, because of the fact that he was a Christian, I knew I would see him again. If that was true, why was I so sad? Here is where I gained a valuable insight based upon my human experience. Through the years, I was never good at saying goodbye to my parents, daughters and grandchildren when visits came to an end. I always cried, yet I knew I was going to see them again because it was my practice to plan the next visit before the then-current one ended. It was my way to take the sting out of the inevitable goodbye, knowing I would be missing them but looking forward to the next time. Admittedly, I still miss my former husband and dearest friend; but, God’s word promises a reunion with those who have gone before me, so there will be a next time.
If you are reading this, I ask you to please post your thoughts and/or experience; and if you know someone who is coping with a loss, direct them to this blog. Hopefully, they will find it full of golden apples that you helped to place here!
Yes, I lost my fiance years ago. The man I now know God sent to me to show me in the earthly way I could understand just how much God loves me and that I can love and be loved unconditionally. It took the first year of our relationship to learn and accept that I was loved!
ReplyDeleteWhen he suddenly passed laying right next to me, I can not begin to put to words the acute pain I felt. Several days later, I walked to the calendar that my G'mother gave me as a Christmas gift that had scripture on each day. The day my fiance died had the following scripture and I literally fell to my knees...Isaiah 55:12 "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."
How now could I be angry with God for "taking" the love of my life. The man who taught me I could love too. I began to understand that God did not take him; God RECEIVED him. He taught me what God put him in my life for a season to learn. His job was done. Yes, as I type this I tear up but not with pain usually associated with tears, but with a smile of joy. I thank God for placing that man in my life to give me that experience. To teach me many things. His loss is and was the hardest think I have ever experienced, but there is more joy than pain in that loss today.